Designed to Provide

This is the time of year for putting all that garden produce into the freezer or the canning cupboard. Every August our kitchen used to be redolent with the smells of applesauce, jams and relishes. I remember the first years of our marriage when I was doing all that for my own family for the first time. By the end of the summer I would have row after row of sealed mason jars on the shelves, their colorful contents advertizing the goodness within. I took such pleasure in staring at all that evidence of my labor that I hated to spoil the effect by using them up. I discovered how incredibly fulfilling it could be to put something on the table that you have grown in your own garden or made from scratch. These days I only do a fraction of what I did then. The temptation to do things the easy way is pretty compelling.

My husband grew up on a farm where very nearly everything they ate was produced right there. I grew up where much of what the freezer contained was put there as a result of fishing or hunting or harvesting what grew in the garden or even wild. Our parents definitely felt a close connection between the work of their hands and provision for their families. Earlier generations would have felt it even more. Now we go off to work at a job that will bring home a paycheck to purchase the things we need to provide for our families. There is nothing wrong with that. The problem is that paychecks are deposited directly into banks so we never actually hold the results of our day’s labor in our hands. There are many degrees of separation between our jobs and the food on our tables. Much of what we set out came from the store pre-mixed, pre-washed, pre-chopped or even pre-peeled. Just add water and in a few short minutes the pancakes are on the table and ready to eat. I do take advantage of the easy to prepare products available today but I believe something gets lost in the convenience of it all. It is much harder to make the connection between the work we do and the food we eat. Consequently we miss out on some of the fulfillment that God designed us to feel in providing for our families. At least that’s true for me. I can’t turn the clock back and I don’t really want to but I can make a conscious decision to get back to basics from time to time. I have beans to pick and berries to freeze and perhaps I’ll take a moment to look at the jars of pepper relish in my cupboard before I finish my day.

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value……She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls……” Proverbs 31:10, 11 and 15

Apricots in My Garden

Nine years ago my husband planted an apricot pit in our flower bed. No one was more surprised than him when it actually sprouted. When it grew to be nearly three feet tall he moved it to a spot right up against the brick wall on the southeast side of the house where it would get the morning sun. Apricot trees don’t normally grow in our part of the world. Our winters are often harsh and the summers can be short. Even so, it grew and last year it was covered in blossoms in the spring. We wondered if the fruit that was forming would actually ripen but by the end of July we were able to pick the apricots. We had enough fruit to eat and to make jam for the winter season. This environment is hostile to apricot trees but the brick wall makes all the difference. It shelters the tree from the elements and reflects the sun’s warmth to enable our tree to thrive and bear fruit even in harsh conditions.

Whenever I look at that tree I am reminded of my own life. We live in an environment that is often hostile to all that we believe as Christians. If I choose to stand apart and alone it becomes exponentially more difficult to live a fruitful life. People are important. There are times when, like the wall, I may need to offer someone shelter from the elements and if I can reflect the warmth that is God’s love for them, it may make all the difference in helping them to thrive. Of course, like the tree, I also need to let people get close enough to offer that kind of support to me.

I’m thankful for the people in my life. At times I may be the tree and at other times the wall but in every situation it is relationships that make the difference and allow me to grow.

Keeping Disappointments in Perspective

I recently got some excellent advice in a workshop I attended. I was told that whatever I do, I should commit to doing with my whole heart and to the absolute best of my ability. That makes sense to me. The problem is that after I’ve done my best I am supposed to somehow detach myself emotionally from the results. Even though that also makes sense, it is turning out to be very nearly impossible to do.

My prayer is that God will direct my steps and give me the courage to follow where He leads. So, I take a chance and knock on the door that’s in front of me. It’s easy to say that I will plant and I will water and God can be in charge of the results. In spite of my best intentions though, I find I can’t help imagining what those results might look like. Whole scenarios get played out in my dreams and even though I might appear to be carrying on with life in an ordinary way, the edges of my vision are colored with bright expectations. I know His plans for me are good so my waiting is a bubble inside that buoys up my days.

When the results of my efforts don’t turn out at all as I imagined and I am faced with a closed door instead of the path strewn with flowers that I was hoping for and more than half expecting, my bubble deflates like a worn out balloon. I am left with questions that don’t really have answers and that is cold comfort. The measure of my disappointment lets me know that I am far from emotionally detached.

That’s when I have to follow David’s example in the Psalms and remember. I remember who God is and all that He has done for me and gradually disappointment is displaced by a welling up of thanksgiving. Faith grows out of the ashes and my perspective changes. I may not be able to figure out the ‘why’ of it all. I can’t see the end from the beginning or how everything will ultimately work together for my good but I know that’s what He promises. I am at peace again.

Romans 8:28 “In all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Loves and Hates

Love and Hate are strong words, maybe too strong to use for the things I normally think of in association with them.

I love walks in the woods, the music of nature, and the beauty of the earth God created….it feeds my soul.
I hate litterbugs.

I love a clever turn of phrase or a play on words that you sometimes stumble on unexpectedly when out for a drive. Things like “Hairway to Heaven” on a salon’s front door or “Brewed Awakenings” above the entrance to a local coffee shop.
I hate that I can never think of them myself.

I love being spontaneous…the reckless abandonment of schedules and timetables and normal routines can be so exhilarating. On the other hand, I also love schedules and timetables and normal routines….I might never get anything done without them.

I love the order and security that comes from a well thought out set of rules. I hate it when people just ignore the rules.

I love the satisfaction of a task completed well. I hate those tasks that are never possible to complete.

I hate being late for anything. Consequently, I am usually early which other people may very well hate, especially when I arrive before they are ready for me.

I love people in small doses, especially one on one. In all their endless variety, each one is unique in their personalities and perspectives, each with something valuable to offer simply in who they are.
I hate people in great numbers….crowds intimidate me and leave me stressed out and exhausted. The human race en masse can be a bit overwhelming.

That explains my love of quietness and solitude…no real surprise there. Silence lets my imagination soar and recharges my batteries. In fact, the older I get, the more often they need recharging.

I love a good story. If it is a good story I love it again and again and again.

I love both the bits of hard won wisdom and the confidence that have come with age. I hate the creaking joints and sometimes sleepless nights that have also come with age.

Of course there are loves that need strong words.

I love my family with all their many eccentricities. Words can’t express what I feel when I think of all that my husband has meant to me over the years. My heart bursts with love when I look into the sleeping face of my baby granddaughter. I will never cease to be amazed when I realize that that is how God feels when He looks at me. I cannot help but love Him in return.

Choosing to Trust

I learned a lot from the recent Eco Adventure Tour that my husband, Bev, and I went on at the Scenic Caves in Collingwood. It involved a Tree Top Walk which was a 600 meter long walk over 8 inch wide bridges suspended from cables strung between 16 trees all at a height of up to 60 feet above the forest floor. Believe it or not it was actually my idea. I wanted an adventure. Perhaps I am having a midlife crisis or maybe I just thought it would be a good way to practice pressing through in spite of my fear. It’s not so much a fear of heights as it is a fear of falling but it tends to keep my feet planted firmly on solid ground and I don’t like having fear dictate the limits of what I do.

Of course I knew that the guides were well trained and the equipment perfectly safe. Every participant has two safety lines securely fastened to cables above their heads. I could have acknowledged the truth of all that and remained simply an observer. The true test was in deciding to act on what I said I believed. And so I climbed the steps leading up to that first platform on shaking limbs and looked out at that impossibly slender bridge swaying gently in the breeze.
The hardest moment was taking that first step off of the platform. It was terrifying. I felt a little like Peter must have felt when he took that first step out of the boat to walk on the water in answer to Jesus’ call to join Him in what He was doing. I knew that if I fell the safety lines would catch me. Jesus was Peter’s safety line and when he started to sink, Jesus saved him. It may have only been for a few steps but Peter actually got to experience walking on water. It all came down to taking that first step out of the boat. I scraped together every ounce of courage I possessed, made a choice and stepped out onto the bridge. I found it got easier as I went along and my confidence grew. I never quite managed to loosen my white-knuckled grip on the cables that ran on either side (the bridge was actually suspended from these), however I think that if I did it again I might relax enough to actually look around and enjoy the amazing view. It helped a lot having Bev as my “buddy”. He stayed close and helped me whenever I had to move my safety clips to a new cable. Never underestimate the value of friends when you face a difficult challenge.

How many times have I said “no” to things out of fear? Sometimes it’s a fear of failure or of rejection. I may acknowledge in my head that God equips us for what He calls us to and that He can turn even our failures into victories but when it comes right down to it am I willing to step out of my comfort zone? I may have missed some of the “walking on water” experiences I could have had because I was too afraid to trust.

My Tree Top Walk felt risky to me but the only real risk was in my perception of it. I was never actually in any danger. That’s something I need to remember when God calls me to do something and my fear rises up to paralyze me. Whatever happens He will be right there to catch me. I just need to choose to trust and take that first step.

Recommended Reading: “If You Want To Walk On Water, You’ve Got To Get Out Of The Boat” by John Ortberg, Zondervan Publishing, 2001

Solid Investment...Great Returns

Sometimes when I am in the middle of a project and things are flowing well I begrudge every minute I spend away from my desk. Having to stop to prepare a meal or attend to any number of other everyday tasks seems a huge imposition. That’s how I felt about taking a whole week to go camping right when I was finally making progress on some of the goals I’d set for my writing. At the same time I also recognized how important it was that my husband and I have that time apart. We try to keep our lives simple and our priorities straight but it’s a very short step to the place where we are so focused on whatever task is at hand that our relationship gets put on hold and we count on shared history to carry us through. That might work for a little while but I know from past experience that it can wear thin in a hurry.

So last week I shut down the computer and Bev put aside his latest woodworking project. We packed up all the gear in our little nugget box of a trailer and set off together for the campground armed with plans to invest in something really important…us.

Jesus taught us that we need to set aside time apart with the Father in order to foster an intimate relationship with Him. You can’t put a value on those moments or hours you spend just being with Him, getting to know Him better, experiencing His love, gaining strength and finding comfort as you rest in His presence. Why should it be any different for husbands and wives? We learned long ago to keep short accounts in our marriage so that our vacations are not about dealing with issues that have been swept under the carpet for too long. For us, vacations are about being together in a place apart, fostering the spiritual, emotional and physical intimacy that we crave in our relationship.

This past week was special in so many ways. The teamwork involved in setting up our tiny home away from home…strolling together along the waterfront and watching the waves roll in…our shared delight in discovering a patch of wild blackberries ripe for the picking…my husband’s strong hand reaching out to help me over the rough patches as we scrambled among the boulders and crevasses on the Bruce Trail…lying close in the dark as we listened to the crash of thunder and the rain beating a tattoo on the roof of our cozy shelter…long talks about our hopes and dreams and the things God is teaching us…the courage I derived from knowing he was at my back as I conquered my fear of heights to do the kilometer long zip line off of Blue Mountain…shared experiences knitting our hearts together. We gained strength and we found comfort as we rested in each other’s presence. It cost us one week out of our busy schedules but we can’t put a value on what we gained in return. Love grows if you take the time to foster it. It’s an investment well worth making.