The past few months have been marked by so many indications of God’s care and provision in the midst of this intense struggle. The kindness of a neighbour willing to help if the need should arise in the middle of the night…a midwife willing to attend the birth as a bystander just so that Jason and Amanda would have a familiar face present…peace that could only come from God…a word of encouragement when it was needed most. There have been moments to treasure. The first time Amanda felt Colby do a complete flip was a surprise and a wonder…his flurry of activity whenever she ate ice cream…the sight of him practicing his breathing during an ultrasound…such small things and yet every one of them significant because of knowing that every day might be his last.
When we made it through till the end of July and Colby reached the 36 week mark we were so proud of him. There was an ultrasound booked for the morning of August 1st and we were all anxious to see how he was doing. Amanda was accustomed to him making his presence felt just as she was falling asleep every night and the night of July 31st was no different. She didn’t know that flutter of movement she felt as she lay down would be his goodbye. At some time during the night, Colby went home to be with the Lord, born straight into the arms of Jesus without having to experience the trauma of labour and delivery. The complete healing we were praying for is his now and we can’t feel sad for his sake. It’s our loss that we grieve.
Colby’s short life reminded me of something that I hope stays with me forever. Our bodies are not the sum total of who we are. Colby’s body may have let him down but he was fully alive in his spirit. I believe he experienced the love that we felt for him. I believe he recognized our voices and was comforted by them. I believe he knew God. We don’t know what he might have been like if we’d been able to watch him grow up but I can make a guess or two. Judging by his footprints, especially knowing just how small he was, I think he would have been tall like his father…and I think he would have loved ice cream as much as his mother does.